The Lie that I Battle every day

Last week, I strayed away from the comforts of ministering to the youth here at God Cares to be the speaker for Hertiage International School's Spiritual Retreat for their secondary school kids. It was a blessing to be asked to do this, but it was also a lot of prep work to give 5 different talks to these students. In addition, these kids come from a completely different socio-economic background from the kids I'm used to working with at God Cares. However, the biggest challenge for me was the fact that these students religious backgrounds were so diverse. Through this experience, I learned a lot about myself .

The battle that seems to constantly occur inside my own head is that of my worth and need for affirmation. I really spent a good amount of time praying and preparing these talks for the students. However, most of the time, I just didn't feel like I was dynamic enough to get through to these kids. Maybe, there's something about having American peers watching me preach that made me a little uneasy inside (All the teachers and staff were from the U.S.). I guess I was looking for that affirmation that God really used me to reach these kids. Or was it that I was looking for affirmation that I did something for God.

I know that Satan was telling me lies the whole time that I wasn't good enough or I wasn't getting through to these kids, and it really wore on me for most of the week because at times I was claiming those lies. In my heart, I knew that I didn't need the affirmation of others because it wasn't my message, but God's, and that God should receive any glory for His message anyway. However, my pride wanted to feel like "I" did a good job. "I" was the one who changed these kids. "I" was the one who challenged them to live for Christ. When I write this, I just have to laugh at myself a little. I know that I am nothing and that Christ is everything, and the best way to get through to these kids is through Him and the Holy Spirit, not through me!

After some of the least dynamically delivered talks, God reached these kids and convicted them of their lives. Thank God for the conversations I had with a few of the kids there that really encouraged me. It reminded me that even with all my flaws, God can use me to impact others especially when I think I've failed.

Unfortunately, I am still battling the lies that I've claimed many years before I came to Christ and still hold on to: that I'm not good enough. I know that's not true, but for some reason I fall for that lie over and over again. This is going to be the year that I go toe to toe with that lie until it no longer keeps me enslaved.