Alien

This was a note that I wrote on Facebook a few months ago when I was facing a difficult time of being away. One thing I can add to this note is that I am in route back to Uganda from the US and I definitely didn't feel at "home" while I was there. Hope you enjoy it.

No I'm not talking about aliens coming to visit us from another planet, but instead a more traditional use of the word: a resident born in or belonging to another country who has not acquired citizenship by naturalization. As you know I am an alien in Uganda. There are things that I am slowly becoming acquainted with: language, customs, traditions, lifestyle, etc. However, no matter how much I try to fit it, I will always be looked at as an outsider.

In the last month, this has hit me much harder than expected. I had gotten to the point where I felt so much on the outside of society, that I began to question why I was here in Uganda. I began to think if I was truly being used here to impact lives. I know that me being here financially helps a lot of people here in Uganda, but am I truly making an impact more than helping to pay for things here and there around the ministry. I doubted I was.

There were hurdles and obstacles with communication back to people in the US. (How can you have almost 600 friends on facebook and only hear from 2 or 3 in a week?) The economic situation began to affect my support. There were also hurdles and obstacles with communication with people here in Uganda though much different. You see many people in general here are not trustworthy. A lie here doesn't seem to mean much to most people, even Christians (or at least people who call themselves Christian). People tend to put on a show for mzungu (whites) when they are here because they think they might be able to get something from them. I was one of those who were fooled by them, but after being here for a longer period of time, I have seen the true colors of many people.

True friendship is something that has been hard to come by here. Ugandans, and Africans in general from what I hear, tend to have an unrealistic view of Americans. They believe we are all rich and that we will come and save the day by giving them handouts. Although we know that this idea is not true and especially not true for most people coming here on missions trips, it is reinforced by the fact that Americans go to foreign countries and flash their money around. (If you've seen Slumdog Millionaire, there's a part where the taxi driver begins beating a boy and the foreigners began giving the boy money.) If it's not money they want from you, it might be status. Just hanging out or being seen with you makes others view them differently. Then there are the people who know that I have gadgets and want to borrow them. The question is can I trust them?

There is the language barrier. Though most people can speak some English, their preferred language is their native language. I feel for foreigners in the US because everyone expects them to speak English, and it's not such an easy language to learn. I now know how they feel. I sympathize with them when people make fun of my accent or misuse of words. But most of all, the thing that has bothered me is when people will deliberately speak in their native tongue to leave me or another American out of the conversation.

Through all of these struggles, I wondered if I just went home would everything be better. I missed my family (biological, adopted and Christian), and friends. I missed playing basketball. I missed the people at work. I missed real youth minstry. I missed American comforts. Then I recalled all my struggles in the US. Though many may not be aware of them, they were there.

I prayed and read the: Word. I listened to a sermon and realized that the reason I felt so out of place whether it was in Uganda or the US was that I don't belong in either place. My citizenship is not in Uganda or the US, but instead it is in heaven. I don't belong in any place but there. I won't ever truly have peace until I am there. I don't know how long God will ask me to serve in Uganda and I continue to seek His guidance, but instead of moving back to answer my so-called problems here, I instead decide to change my perspective knowing that I don't belong in either place.

So this Easter as we wait for the Lord to take us to be at home with Him, let us praise the Lord for our blessings and change our perspective on our situation.

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. Phil. 3:20